Jun 14 Getting it Out

I slept for 10 hours last night.  That is huge.  Gigantic.  A relief.

I know I have kept quiet for a while.  I would rather write about how well I am doing than how much I am struggling.  But sleep gives me perspective, and again I realize this blog is called, “Life as a Zebra.”

Struggles are a part of life; a part of MY life.

Many have told me they have missed my “zebra wisdom” lately.  While flattering, I feel like I have been lacking in the “wisdom” department.  I have actually been seeking it out for myself.  For the last month I feel like I have been in survival mode, trying to get through each day.  I honestly hate feeling like that…It makes me feel like I am missing out on all the small, beautiful things each day has to offer.

I chalk it up to: Insomnia.  The end of the school year craziness.  Heat and fatigue.  POTS flares.  Biting off more than I can chew.  Denying myself the fact that I do have limitations.  Juggling the work load for the class I am taking.  Keeping up on rehab and my health overall.  Struggling with so many aspects of my future, and the feeling that not much is in my control right now.  That is the worst for me…the feeling of having a lack of control over my own life.

Call it being a hot mess.  Call it having a hard time.  Call it exhaustion.  Call it having a let down.  Call it being at a crossroads.

I have gotten out Lisa’s book multiple times to remind myself of my Coraggio.  I have read the chapter about how it is important for me to figure out what I CAN control and then to control the heck out of it.  I have been relying on my gratitude attitude and reminding myself of everything I have to be grateful for.  I have made it my mission to smile, love, and laugh everyday.

The good news is I now have a break.  A breather.

I am now officially on summer vacation for the next couple of months.  It is time for me to slow down, write, reflect, get as strong as possible, rest, accomplish more of my goals, write, take the time to see my shrink, surround myself with the people who bring out the best in me, do things that fill my spirit, dance, float in pools, go to the lake, write, hear live music, make choices for my future with a clear and refreshed mind, write, and get back to focusing on moving forward in a happy and healthy way.  Because I know that, that is what is good for my physical and emotional health.

So with that uplifting post (*sarcasm*), I thank you all for listening.

I needed that to get myself back on track…to start writing again.

Love you all.